he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
