I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
