Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
