You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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