In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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