Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
