Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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