We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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