Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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