with your own penis?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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