I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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