Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
