Jerry, you need to find god
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
