I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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