Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
