AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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