I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
