If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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