Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
