i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
dude. I can hear the air.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
