where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We need a shit load of segways right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
