I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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