You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
