Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just invented taco cereal.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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