I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
