i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
