Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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