I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no, he came in my armpit
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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