all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
