At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
