I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
