we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
