listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
