I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
