i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
