is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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