I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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