I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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