I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
