Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
