I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
