dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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