Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
