these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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