Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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