i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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