i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
