Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
