i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
