If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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