She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
