she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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